Short Funny Quotes

This page is a collection of Short Funny Quotes.

It's important to take time to laugh through out the day. Being silly and learning to laugh at yourself can go a long way. It can help you reduce stress, improve your health, and lighten your day.

Laugh when you can
it is cheap medicine.

-Lord Byron

Take a few minutes to enjoy the following Short Funny Quotes and Short Funny Sayings.

I can resist everything except temptation.
-Oscar Wilde

Why do people say "no offense"
when they're about to offend someone?

Of all the things I've lost,
I miss my mind the most.
-Mark Twain

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Never go to bed mad.
Stay up and fight.
-Phyllis Diller

The only constant is change.

The trouble with being punctual
is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-Franklin P. Jones

Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.

Change is inevitable,
except from a vending machine.

My wife was too beautiful for words,
but not for arguments.
-John Barrymore

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined
.-Samuel Goldwyn

Always remember that you're unique.
Just like everyone else.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.
-Harry S. Truman

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax,
but I keep falling asleep.
-Jim Loy

Thank God I’m an atheist.

Buy land. They've stopped making it.
-Mark Twain

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

I'm an excellent housekeeper.
Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriages are made in heaven.
But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Adults are just obsolete children.
-Dr Seuss

My idea of an agreeable person
is a person who agrees with me.
-Benjamin Disraeli

When all else fails, read the instructions.

Never put off till tomorrow
what you can avoid doing entirely.

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
-Ambrose Bierce

I'm single by choice. Not my choice.
-Orny Adams

Short Funny Quotes - Related Pages

Inspirational Funny Quotes

Positive Quotes

Wisdom Quotes

I hope you enjoyed this page of Short Funny Sayings.

Return from Short Funny Quotes to Inspirational Quotes Home Page.

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