Short Funny Quotes

This page is a collection of Short Funny Quotes.

It's important to take time to laugh through out the day. Being silly and learning to laugh at yourself can go a long way. It can help you reduce stress, improve your health, and lighten your day.

Laugh when you can
it is cheap medicine.

-Lord Byron

Take a few minutes to enjoy the following Short Funny Quotes and Short Funny Sayings.



I can resist everything except temptation.
-Oscar Wilde



Why do people say "no offense"
when they're about to offend someone?
-unknown



Of all the things I've lost,
I miss my mind the most.
-Mark Twain



Constipated people don't give a crap.
-unknown



Never go to bed mad.
Stay up and fight.
-Phyllis Diller



The only constant is change.
-Bashar



The trouble with being punctual
is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-Franklin P. Jones



Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
-unknown



Change is inevitable,
except from a vending machine.
-unknown



My wife was too beautiful for words,
but not for arguments.
-John Barrymore



Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined
.-Samuel Goldwyn



Always remember that you're unique.
Just like everyone else.
-unknown



If you can't convince them, confuse them.
-Harry S. Truman



I'm trying to read a book on how to relax,
but I keep falling asleep.
-Jim Loy



Thank God I’m an atheist.
-unknown



Buy land. They've stopped making it.
-Mark Twain



Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
-unknown



I'm an excellent housekeeper.
Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor



Marriages are made in heaven.
But so again, are thunder and lightning.
-unknown



Adults are just obsolete children.
-Dr Seuss



My idea of an agreeable person
is a person who agrees with me.
-Benjamin Disraeli



When all else fails, read the instructions.
-unknown



Never put off till tomorrow
what you can avoid doing entirely.
-unknown



Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
-Ambrose Bierce



I'm single by choice. Not my choice.
-Orny Adams


Short Funny Quotes - Related Pages

Inspirational Funny Quotes

Positive Quotes

Wisdom Quotes


I hope you enjoyed this page of Short Funny Sayings.

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