This page is a collection of Funny Quotations. The quotes below are funny, witty, and even a bit inspirational. Read through and enjoy a laugh or two.
Computer games don't affect kids,
I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids,
we'd all be running around in darkened rooms,
munching pills and listening to repetitive music.
One thing they never tell you about child raising
is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat,
you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
Always be nice to your children
because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
The brain is a wonderful organ;
it starts working the moment you get up in the morning,
and does not stop until you get into the office.
Most people would rather die than think;
in fact, they do so.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
Give me a stock clerk with a goal
and I'll give you a man who will make history.
Give me a man with no goals
and I'll give you a stock clerk.
Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished:
If you're alive it isn't.
If you really want to do something, you'll find a way.
If you don't, you'll find an excuse.
If you don't know how to die, don't worry;
Nature will tell you what to do on the spot, fully and adequately.
She will do this job perfectly for you; don't bother your head about it.
-Michel de Montaigne
More Funny Quotations
There'll be two dates on your tombstone
and all your friends will read 'em
but all that's gonna matter
is that little dash between em...
Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.
-Henry J. Kaiser
If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck,
he surely meant us to stick it out.
Even if you are on the right track,
you will get run over if you just sit there.
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
-Michel de Montaigne
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
The single biggest problem in communication
is the illusion that it has taken place.
-George Bernard Shaw
I am not afraid of death,
I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Those are my principles,
and if you don't like them...
well, I have others.
These motivational tapes have really inspired me!
I’m going to make a million dollars,
buy my own company and retire early.
Then, I’m going to write a novel and a symphony
and give all the profits to charity.
Then next month, I’ll figure out how to do it.
He who laughs, lasts.
Funny Quotations - Related Pages
Funny Inspirational Quotes
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